Just how rockstar are the 2020 F2 drivers?
We know all the F2 guys are great at being racing drivers, but the question everyone wants an answer to is just how rockstar are they? (Yes, everyone is asking that). Inspired by the success of the AWS F1 fastest driver ratings, I have put my time during the long F2 break to good use and developed my own algorithm. The ranking is based on a complicated series of weighted factors including, but not limited to:
- Radio message attitude
- Hair cut
- Sim racing rage
- Coolness of driving style
- Instagraminess
- Press conference glare
- F1 affiliation, because being an F1 driver is cool af
So what does the algorithm say?
24. Mick Schumacher
He might be the most likely to become a Formula 1 driver, but even that can’t save Schumacher from being the least likely rockstar, with what I can only imagine is a PR machine ensuring he has a 100% super clean public image, even when he crashes into his teammate. He doesn’t even have any sunglasses shots on his Insta ffs.
23. Marcus Armstrong
Armstrong is only ahead of Schumacher in the rockstar rankings because he presumably doesn’t have a big PR team behind him and there is therefore a faint possibility of him making some kind of public image faux pas. But even then he could probably just hide behind his babyface and no one would suspect a thing.
22. Giuliano Alesi
Alesi has his dad with him at all the races. It’s very lovely but not rockstar at all.
21. Jake Hughes (yes he did a race)
Hughes talks about football too much on Twitter, which is distinctly not rockstar. Don’t ask me why, I don’t make the rules.
20. Jack Aitken
Aitken only made it this far up the list because he has a super license, which is cool, but has anyone ever heard him say a cross word? Even “I crashed and I’m annoyed” Jack just sounds sad and apologetic. His rockstar ranking is being heavily weighed down by too much smiling.
19. Jehan Daruvala
Mid-field obscurity for Daruvala in both F2 and the rockstar rankings.
18. Roy Nissany
Nissany has driven an F1 car, which gives him instant rockstar cool points, but honestly that’s all.
17. Nobuharu Matsushita
Matsushita quit mid-way through the season because he didn’t want to do it anymore, which is pretty rockstarish, but then he did a nice Instagram video about it, which is less rockstar.
16. Jüri Vips
Vips is less rockstar, more boyband (look at his tidy hair), but he’s a Red Bull junior so must have some rockstar grit to have made it this far, especially after his confusion of a 2020 season.
15. Louis Delétraz
Delétraz seems like a really nice guy when he’s in a good mood, but I’ve seen the sim racing rage, plus he gets extra points for doing Le Mans, which is obviously film-star cool.
14. Robert Shwartzman
While his TikTok content may be excellent, it’s not exactly the rockstar platform of choice, but he is potentially a future Ferrari star and that is undeniably cool, plus he takes lots of photos with random fast cars.
13. Nikita Mazepin
While Mazepin has a very measured media presence, he has no such attitude on track and in times when he feels he’s been wronged there’s an underlying rage to his carefully considered answers. He probably has the potential to totally lose it at any moment. Maybe next time he gets a penalty he’ll just throw a TV out of his hotel room window.
12. Marino Sato
Sato has pretty cool hair sometimes.
11. Yuki Tsunoda
As Peter Windsor kept telling us in commentary, Tsunoda doesn’t look like a racing driver. Well he doesn’t look like a rockstar either but he’s terrifying on the radio so gets full attitude points.
10. Callum Ilott
Ilott’s unique balance of pessimism combined with self confidence give him some strong rockstar points, but he needs to up his posing for the camera game, it’s just not moody enough.
9. Christian Lundgaard
It’s sink or swim at ART, the Red Bull of F2, and Lundgaard is doing it. He’s aggressive on track and clearly needs no molly coddling off track. His sim racing rage and F1 driving get him extra points, but his biggest rockstar downfall is being chatty in interviews and saying nice things about his parents. So not cool (but so lovely, never change Christian).
8. Luca Ghiotto
Ghiotto is like an ageing (oh god he’s only 25) rockstar that we all thought was done but made a comeback. He also looks like he might murder you, which is extra points.
7. Guilherme Samaia
At the start of the season even F2 described Samaia as unknown. He’s mysterious. Pretty rockstar actually.
6. Pedro Piquet
Piquet has almost a whole sleeve tattoo (he’s still young he can get more) and I find it hard to believe that he doesn’t live a rockstar life. The Piquets just feel like a family that live it up (based on actually nothing at all).
5. Guanyu Zhou
Zhou has the best hair in F2 and looks cool even in race stuff and a mask and some of the random shit he wears the rest of the time. Fashion. Surprisingly rockstar but loses points for smiling.
4. Felipe Drugovich
Drugovich’s rockstar tantrum in Spain propelled him far up the list. He also has a devoted army of fans. Need I say more?
3. Sean Gelael
Eating fried chicken, shirtless, by a pool? Seems pretty rockstar to me.
2. Dan Ticktum
Ticktum gives no fucks, bites back when people make bitchy comments about him and is controversial. Rockstar. (Plus look at his piano skills, it’s like he knew this post was coming).
1. Artem Markelov
Markelov’s social media tantrum posts easily rival Ticktum and Drugovich on attitude, and his full sleeve tattoo is something Piquet can only aspire to. He also has Ghiotto-esque ageing rockstar status (he was second in the championship back in his day you know) and an Instagram to contend with even KFC by a pool (in large part thanks to his super glamorous wife). All of which means that Artem Markelov is the most rockstar of them all.