[Insert hilarious line about Austria/Styria not being the same place]
First off, as the whole point of F2 is that it is an F1 feeder series, I suppose it should be mentioned that Jack Aitken actually did a bit of Formula 1 this weekend, taking part in the first free practice session for Williams. He finished 17th, ahead of Kubica (who these days is employed more for his reportedly excellent car development skills than his speed), Latifi (who broke down) and Magnussen (who knows what happened to him? Just Haas stuff). A few months at Williams and Aitken has already had more F1 action than years in the Renault Driver Academy. *Looks sadly at Lundgaard*.
Practice: Tsunoda vs. himself
As ever, we were told how important practice is in F2, given that it’s a mere 45 minutes long as opposed to the HOURS that they get in F1. Despite this, there was still plenty of downtime, during which the camera operator took the opportunity to shame Campos team owner Adrian Campos for not wearing a mask. Slowly zooming in on his bare face for all the world to see, until he saw himself on the screen and began hastily trying to pull his mask up under his headset. Luckily for any other personnel who were failing at coronavirus protocol, attention was soon back on the track, as Armstrong proper lost it, spinning round several times before ending up in the gravel. He somehow managed to keep it going and headed back to the pits. Also crashing was Mick Schumacher, who didn’t keep it going and instead ended in the barrier, bringing out the red flag. Maybe not the best start to the weekend for the Ferrari juniors (although with hindsight, apparently in line with the grown-up team).
The green flag was waved with 30 minutes of the session still left to go. F2 veteran Matsushita was the first to set a fast lap, but that was instantly beaten by Red Bull junior Tsunoda, who went half a second faster and then even faster again. Just like last week, no one could beat Tsunoda, who ended the session at the top of the timesheets (what a surprise, it’s like we’re at the same track again) followed by Mazepin (a big improvement from last week when he never even made it out of the paddock) and Daruvala (who will no doubt be hoping not to be cashed out by team-mate Tsunoda for a second week in a row). Meanwhile, last week’s surprise Drugovich was down in 20th place. He’s a confusing one isn’t he?
Qualifying: Tsunoda vs. Zhou
Before qualifying even started there was disappointment for Piquet (son of three-time F1 world champion Nelson) and Delétraz (son of three-time F1 race entrant Jean-Denis), as the Charouz team had for some reason decided to use the wet tyres to drive from the paddock to the pitlane before the practice session, which is a big no-no in the FIA’s book and resulted in one-place grid penalties for both drivers. I will just say up front that this had virtually no impact on qualifying as both drivers did rubbish, finishing 17th and 18th (sorry Louis).
Anyway, back to the start of qualifying and Tsunoda was carrying on his pace from practice, setting the benchmark time early on. He did have some competition from Renault junior Zhou, which was to be expected, however much more unexpected was new co-commentator Matt Gallagher calling out Sean Gelael as “talent”. I mean, I’m not bashing Gelael, he seems like a nice guy and all, but maybe there are just a few other names in the F2 field that spring to mind first?
As time ticked on and they all went out for their final runs, Zhou, who was still trying to get the better of Tsunoda, suffered from having “a Prema in the way”, while most of the others were also unable to significantly improve their times, leaving Tsunoda with his first F2 pole position. Usual F2 suspects Zhou and Ilott were very close behind in second and third.
After qualifying, Tsunoda demonstrated his excellent press conference technique by repeatedly telling everyone he was just going to do his job in the race tomorrow. It turns out this is the perfect answer to all questions, which was just as well because Zoom wasn’t working at its best… “We’ll go to Craig now for the next question… Craig? Craig, I think you’re on mute.” Cut to Craig sadly shaking his head and mouthing “I’m not on mute.” Tough luck Craig, you’ve missed your chance, we’re switching to WhatsApp messages instead.
Feature Race: Tsunoda vs. the team radio
There was much rain for the start of the Feature Race, causing Markelov (despite his extensive years of F2 experience) to spin into the gravel trap on his way to the grid, ending his day early. Ultimately, after a few exploratory formation laps behind the Safety Car, it was decided that it was too wet to race and the whole thing was red flagged, causing a huge delay.
Having already spent over an hour watching artsy rain shots and Gelael practicing his golf swing, all while listening to commentator jokes about filling the time, I’m not going to dwell any further on this part. So, despite it still pouring with rain, the race started once again behind the Safety Car, doing a few laps to clear away some water before finally getting going.
Tsunoda managed to keep the lead at the start and quickly pulled out a second on Zhou and Ilott behind him. Behind them was lots of mid-field hustling, but emerging through it all was the new rain meister (or probably something like mester in Danish?), Christian Lundgaard, making short work of all who stood in his way. Well actually just three people (making it up to 5th), but it was very impressive and he set the fastest lap as well.
Last week’s star Drugovich was shining brightly again, but for different reasons. His brake disks had become so hot they were visibly glowing, which looked super cool through the darkness and mist of the rain, but was likely not so good for the car. He dutifully pitted in a cloud of brake dust, had a small fire and then got going again.
Everyone soon took their mandatory pitstops, swapping wet tyres for new wet tyres, except Tsunoda, which was clearly insane because he was losing so much time on his now very old tyres. As Tsunoda continued on his way, his team were increasingly frantic in their attempts to get his attention, with one guy hanging the pitboard out and pointing at the “PIT” sign, while another also hung off the wall, waving his arms about. “Box, box, box.” We all heard the team radio, but sadly Tsunoda didn’t.
Tsunoda did eventually get the message and pitted, but it was too late. The damage had been done and he came out straight into a dramatic tussle with Zhou, Shwartzman and Ilott. Everything happened at once, Zhou and Shwartzman passed Tsunoda and Shwartzman also passed Zhou, while Ilott then passed Tsunoda. Essentially, Shwartzman was suddenly in the lead, with Zhou, Ilott and Tsunoda behind. Tsunoda wasn’t having any of this though and quickly reclaimed his place from Ilott before also catching and passing Zhou.
As the track started to dry, Lundgaard’s wet-weather powers were weakened and he went for a detour through the gravel, allowing Schumacher to pass for fifth, with Armstrong following past as well. Sad times. Back at the front however, Tsunoda had also now caught Shwartzman, with the two of them somehow having pulled out at 13-second gap from Zhou, who apparently wasn’t loving the drying conditions either.
Schumacher, on the other hand, wasn’t fazed by the conditions, passing a raggedy looking Ilott for fourth and with clear intentions of taking the last podium spot from Zhou. Despite a hard battle right to the line, Zhou somehow managed to defend against Schumacher and just kept his third place, behind Tsunoda in second and winner Shwartzman.
It was Shwartzman’s first F2 win and very emotional as he dedicated it to his dad who recently passed away. Legit brought a tear to my eye. Shwartzman was understandably excited, running in for a big hug with his team, who, seeing him incoming at speed, all started to back away and wave their hands. Luckily for everyone, he stopped just in time and managed fist bumps instead. Good social distancing Prema, much better than Campos, one coronavirus protocol point for you.
Tsunoda was very gracious in his defeat, congratulating Shwartzman before calmly explaining, “Next race I will pass him definitely, I’ll beat him.” So nice yet simultaneously so aggressive. Not psychopathic at all.
Just as we were all getting used to the new podium set-up, the Styrian Grand Prix organisers had something special in store for us. All around the world people were shouting “WTF IS HAPPENING!?” at their TVs, as small remote-controlled pedestals trundled up to the podium to deliver the drivers their trophies. Clearly no one had warned Shwartzman about this development either, as he looked anxiously around at Tsunoda for some gentle encouragement that it was safe to go up to the thing to collect his trophy. The silence in commentary spoke volumes.
Sprint Race: Tsunoda vs. the clutch
Williams development driver Dan Ticktum was on pole for the Sprint Race, with Armstrong and Lundgaard in second and third. Before the start, Lundgaard said he was going to be more aggressive than he had been in the previous race, Armstrong said he was going to “drive the wheels off” the car, and Ticktum said he was aiming for a good start and then doing his best. It already felt like it wasn’t going to end well for Ticktum.
Straight off the line, Lundgaard lunged past Armstrong to take second place and started his attack on Ticktum. However, this was cut short as Shwartzman spun himself off, bringing out the Virtual Safety Car.
The race restarted without drama. Brushing off the inconvenience of the VSC, it wasn’t long before Lungegaard (see what I did there) was at it again, diving past Ticktum in a move that made it clear to everyone that he intended to win the race, before heading down the road and pulling a two-second gap.
Further down the field, Alesi was busy being barged out of the way by Nissany, “What the fuck man?” he complained, but Nissany wasn’t done there as he went on to ram Delétraz, breaking his own front wing and having to take a trip to the pits. What the fuck indeed.
Tsunoda was also having bad luck, as his car broke down and he pulled off to the side of the track, “Can you tell us what’s wrong?” his engineer asked, “I DON’T KNOW,” Tsunoda frighteningly yelled, before calmly explaining something about the clutch. Not psychopathic at all.
Meanwhile, the fight for third had been hotting up. Schumacher finally managed to find his way past Armstrong, but just as in every other race this year, the racing gods determined that there would be no podium for Schumacher today. Instead, his fire extinguisher suddenly went off, covering him in foam and forcing him to retire due to a regulation about needing to have a working fire extinguisher. Obviously I knew all about this regulation because I’m very knowledgeable about such matters and haven’t learnt for the first time just now that F2 cars have fire extinguishers in them.
In the closing laps, Ticktum made an effort to catch Lundgaard, but it was too little too late and Lundgaard breezed to victory. His only flaw the entire day was removing his mask so he could drink the champagne, but then what were the organisers honestly expecting when they gave a bunch of teenagers giant bottles of champagne? Minus one coronavirus protocol point to ART.
Second-placed Ticktum was so disappointed in himself at the post-race press conference that the interviewer had to try to cheer him up, while we also learned that Lundgaard doesn’t like Silverstone. Well you’d better hurry up and start liking it Christian because we’re going there twice this year and I’m expecting you to win.
I can’t even remember who came third. Probably Armstrong. *Checks results*. It was Armstrong.
Tsunoda vs. the championship standings
Following their wins this weekend, Shwartzman (48 points) and Lundgaard (43 points) are now first and second in the championship, while Ilott has dropped to third, albeit with the same number of points as Lundgaard. Despite his disappointment, Ticktum’s consistency means he’s fourth (36 points), with Armstrong in fifth (34 points). Zhou is a lowly sixth, with 27 points.
Just to keep with the theme, Tsunoda is seventh, with 24 points.